BAD GIRL

I've been reprimanded.
I had been parking my bicycle
in the hallway outside my apartment,
and the management of my co-op sent me a letter.
This must be serious.
A written, official, on-the-record record
of my bad behavior.
I can't resort to my usual indignation,
because I know damn well I was breaking the rules.
I walked around all day with this awful feeling.
The kind of feeling that clings to you
when you wake up after a dream
in which you've been shamed or humiliated.
Perhaps I can make an extra effort
to be kind and friendly.
Smile and chat with a neighbor in the elevator.
There, I feel a little better.
Clean up the kitchen.
Do someone a favor, that always helps.
How can I restore myself to a state of grace?
Why can't I be one of those upstanding citizens
who never tries to get away with anything?
Why can't I go home after school and do my homework
so I can walk into the classroom tomorrow
with a smile on my face and peace in my heart?
Our Father who art in heaven,
forgive me my sins.
Please tell me I'm not a bad girl.


© Ellen Azorin