EARLY

I am so often late,
that I'm taken aback
when despite my bad habits
I arrive with time to spare.
Time.
On time.
Ahead of time.
Untaken time.
Time to breathe.
Compose my thoughts.
Organize.
Prepare.
My appointment begins and
instead of losing the first five minutes
to fuss and confusion,
I am ready.
Calm and alert.
Like waking after a good night's sleep.
I ponder the worth of this state of full presence
and weigh it against whatever usually makes me
so loathe to leave my house on time.
An extra task accomplished.
A phone call answered.
Or the simple fear of arriving early
and having to be alone with myself
with nothing to do.
I promise to give myself
this gift of time more often.
But here I am remembering that promise —
sitting in a taxi,
trapped in traffic,
feeling the familiar tension.
And very late.


© Ellen Azorin